


I Hope You Know You’re My Best Friend

by theshipsfirstmate



Series: So Now What [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Post S4 Finale, parallel fic, so now what series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 22:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshipsfirstmate/pseuds/theshipsfirstmate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>About the things they miss the most.</p>
<p>"Their time together is preserved in his memory now like amber, a beautiful thing he can no longer touch. Just like her."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hope You Know You’re My Best Friend

_A/N: This is short and kind of weak sauce, but I’m trying. For those lovely people still hanging on, as well as kind new commenters, I swear I am still planning on finishing Slave to the Wires, as well as that other AU that I’m trying to whip into shape. This is the first thing I’ve been able to write in weeks, and I hope it’s unstopped whatever log jam was happening._

_Anyways, apologies for the multi-chap disappointment, here, have some angsty introspection!_

_Tiny little S5 spoilers and a bit of inspiration from a Comic-Con quote._

**I Hope You Know You’re My Best Friend**

The thing Oliver misses most is having a best friend.

After Tommy died, he remembers returning to his own personal purgatory, back to the island that made him a monster, reduced him until he was nothing more than a figure for the shadow of death to attach itself to. It was during that particular time on Lian Yu when he came to accept that he’d never have a friend like that again. Tommy was collateral in his new life, and now that he was gone, the position was simply too hazardous to fill. So it would remain vacant.

He mulled that over for nearly a week before they came for him, John and Felicity, leaping from a plane to deliver a metaphor so strong he almost couldn’t ignore it. But they were teammates, not friends. That’s what he told himself as they stood at his side for another year, until it was time to admit to himself that John was his brother and she was so much more.

Their time together is preserved in his memory now like amber, a beautiful thing he can no longer touch. Just like Felicity.

And god, there’s just nothing he doesn’t miss about her.

From the way her nose wrinkled in the morning light to the way her breath sounded in his ear in the middle of the night. From the way she looked in a red dress to the way she looked at him like he was her entire universe. From the way she helped him save the world to the way she helped him save himself. He misses it all, and he’s still around her all the time, but it’s not the same.

What’s worse is when he walks into the bunker one night and interrupts a phone conversation, realizing in that moment she’s found someone else to share herself with. He’s not sure if it’s a boyfriend or just a friend he doesn’t know, but the fleeting sparkle in her eyes tells him enough, and the way she hustles off the call and avoids facing him as she clumsily shuts her station down tells him even more, twisting the knife in his gut.

He knows she’ll keep this from him, knows she’ll evade any questions to avoid wounding him with the truth. He knows now is not the time to ask. So he lets her slip away, lets her walk right past him. And when she walks out of the headquarters they built together, she takes with her the person he likes most in this world.

Oliver’s not sure which is harder: pretending like he’s OK with just being friends and teammates, or knowing that, these days, they’re really only one of those things.

* * *

The thing Felicity misses most is her heart.

After their night together at the loft – which, while chaste, does cross the “platonic exes” line they’re pretending to abide by – she pulls away. Without him beside her as her other half, she reverts to the self preservation that’s served her all her life.

She works too hard and she sleeps too little and she goes outside only when it’s an imperative, sometimes only for the few minutes at night that it takes her to get to the bunker and back. It’s the only way to keep going. That’s what she tells herself for a few months, until it’s time to admit that without him, the metaphorical muscles of her heart are beginning to atrophy.

Their time together was a self revelation, an exercise in proving something about her capacity to love and be loved. She thinks it was the same for Oliver.

And god, there’s just nothing she doesn’t miss about him.

From the way his fingers laced through hers to the way his hand curled around her lower back. From the way he said her name to the way her stomach went tipsy when she thought about taking his. From the way he made her feel to the way he made her feel about herself. She misses it all and she’s still around him all the time, but it’s not the same.

What’s worse is when he catches her on the phone in the bunker. She hates the way it makes her feel like she’s betraying him, hates the way shame colors her cheeks as she hustles off the call. She hates the way she can’t even look at him as she leaves but she can still feel him on the back of her neck.

She knows he’ll show up at the loft that night, knows it even before he’s there at the door, looking like he’s sunk deep and can’t decide whether to yell at her or swallow her whole.  She knows she shouldn’t kiss him back, shouldn’t let him push her back into the apartment and up against a wall, shouldn’t swallow whispers that sound like “I miss you” and “I love you” that he slips through her lips. So she lets him pull away, lets him walk right past her. And when he closes the door of the apartment they used to share, he takes with him the person she loves most in this world.

Felicity’s not sure which is harder: pretending like she’s trying to give her heart to another, or knowing that she never really got it back in the first place.


End file.
